It’s been few days now, I have been feeling “Oh so miserable!” But I guess it is not helping me. Hence, I am back to my blog to vent out my thoughts that is babbling in my head (writing helps me think clear). The reason of my this state of mind is because a very very close and the best
friend of mine had left this place for good and I am missing him so terribly. I have been crying non-stop for three days. People at my home know that I am missing this friend and they are being very understanding. If I was in there place, I would have told to myself, “oh gimme a break!” or must have shouted saying “will you let it go already?!”. But I continued crying even after my people tried their best to make me understand the reality, – the reason why he had to go, why I shouldn’t cry, how I am not losing anything since he will always remain a friend and so on. But I am not buying any of it. I need him here with me, by my side, to fight with him, argue with him, go shopping with him, to meet other
friends with him and in one word, to live. I feel so empty inside! I feel as if I have nothing in my life to look forward to! It feels as if I had lost someone in the family. I just couldn’t stop crying! I have tried to see the rationality of the whole thing and tried to divert my mind. I tried watching movies, listening to songs, going to the parlour, doing gardening and whatever is possible to keep me away from his thoughts. But everywhere his thoughts popped up! While watching movies, he was the best friend of the actor (sometimes, he was the hero!), while listening to songs, the song was sung for him, while coming back from the parlour, I wanted him to comment on my new hair do, while gardening, I wanted to show him my new plants….oh crap! He had become a part of my everyday life!
Today is the fourth day of his absence and I talked to myself the whole of last night. Tried to make myself understand that I cannot continue like this. I have to get back on track as I have responsibilities to carry on, projects to finish, deadlines to meet and a home to run. I am neglecting all those and sulking to no end. A college friend of mine advised me on facebook that I should move on, because I was NOT his priority and that’s why he had left to attend to his set priorities. Whoa! That struck hard on my head! I guess she was right! He became my priority but I was not his! I have got so used to having him around that I started believing that he will always be there with me by my side. I was wrong!
Now, despite missing him so terribly, I am seeing the practicality of this entire event. The fact is that, he had left to do his to dos. I have mine. I must do those. Most importantly, I have promises to myself that I must respect and keep. I have to move on. I know we will remain best friends forever and I really hope that even when we meet after 100 years the friendship we have, remains the same! Because I think I will always be needing this friend of mine.
Ironically, I do not believe that long distance friendship can be the same as real life friendship. But I really want to be proved wrong this time. I do
need physical presence of the person when I want to be with him/her. If it has to work despite the distance, I need complete keeping in touch with each other on a regular (read daily) basis. I guess he knows me enough to realise this fact. We are keeping in touch, but somewhere in my heart I feel that very soon he will get busy with his work, home, life, wife and I will just silently take the exit route. May be even without realising that everything has changed. It hurts, but it will be good for me if I accept the reality soon. I don’t want another episode of heart break and crying. I thank him for everything today (except that he had left me alone here). I love my friend and will always do.